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There will be no updates Friday and Monday because I will be busy being the Best Man in my brother’s wedding. While I’m gone, please enjoy some other New York bloggers. Here’s some rejected quotes for a best man toast I’m writing:

Who need’s love when you got a gun?
– Black Flag

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
– Ernest Hemingway

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions?
– Jack Handey

Sometimes I think that love is just a tumor. You’ve got to cut it out.
– Elvis Costello

I love weddings. Please email me any suggestions for the toast. I plan to use them all, no matter how odd.
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I’m running out of room on the servers of SeanTConrad.com. Unlike most blogs, this one is laden with photographs. I can’t really afford more space on this server, so I need to go back and reduce the size of the earlier photos, archive some old events, or buy space on another server. Any suggestions are welcome.
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SOTD: From Ben, You the man now, dog!

Some photos need an explanation. I had nothing to show this morning and I didn’t want to steal from Tyler’s party. I was really pleased with my new haircut so I thought I would take a shot to give my barber a plug (Sohair, on Spring Street).
After taking a few shots and playing around in Photoshop, I thought that I should create a headshot for the program to my brother Jerry’s wedding this weekend. I’ll send you the original, Jer.

In actual seriousness, the look in this photo made me think, as my mother used to say about someone too happy or proper, that I “needed a bucket of shit in the face.” So I thought I would put it up just to get that expression on the record.

Then, I thought the smile looks sincere, but I’m obviously not a nice guy, so the photo could be a sarastic sentiment. Imagine it in a card that says, “Sorry about what I did to your couch and carpet. Please accept my apologies.” It would piss you off, wouldn’t it?

In hindsight, I probably should have gone with that shot of Sophie’s ass.
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RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Answer to last week’s: On line #4, because X=Y, dividing by X-Y, is like dividing by zero, which is undefined. The real solution is undefined=undefined.
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SOTD: Bill O’Reilly, an ass.

Saturday night involved some Uno, a game so rough you need to wear a helmet. Notice in the pic on the left, Tyler is revealing a “Draw Four” card to the camera. Bold. Very bold. The bold fella had a birthday drink on Sunday. …
Other parts of the weekend were spent at the Barney’s Warehouse sale shopping for a new suit. No luck.
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SOTD: Pretendster — I’m Delmys Woollard, a 43-year-old overweight female lawyer from Miami.

Ildi scored some box seats for the US Open for Friday so we got to see some great tennis while enjoying free food and beer. Andy Roddick is a whiny little bitch who needs his 3-year-ago-trucker-hat-wearing ass kicked.
One of the nicest things about box seats at the Open in the celebrity watching. A few boxes away from us was Anna Kornikova and Robin Quivers.
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Happy Labor Day. Because I am not labor and I am management, I am in the office today. Yay.

I was going to claim that this tattoo was mine, but Satan’s French manicure gives it away. Trish had some new work done last week, but unfortunately the tattoo artist thought she said “Mare” when she said “Sean”. I myself don’t have any tats, but if I were to get one it would look like this, which is why I don’t have any tattoos. …
SOTD: Cali’s next governor?
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I forgot the riddle yesterday. Dammit. Here it is. RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Explain how 2 can equal 1?

My friend Matt won’t walk by a kid’s lemonade stand without buying a glass. It’s his own form of good karma and I’ve adopted the policy for myself. Last night I walked past two cute little girls on 36th Street selling magic marker drawings out in front of their mother’s tarot card business. They asked me to buy a drawing “for our school” and looked so hopeful I couldn’t say no. I pulled out a buck and asked them what they had. They showed me all the drawings and a few colored bookmarks and then the one girl presented the device pictured above. “And we also have this,” she said.
“Is that the best one?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” she said and then demonstrated how to work it, moving the paper sections back and forth with her fingers.

I had played with these things when I a was a little kid, but then you always knew the answers. This one remained a mystery in my pocket as I walked to Under the Volcano, a midtown pub.

When I got there, I was eager to try out my paper psychiatrist and it soon gave a bit of insight on me and my friends. It told Mary, “Your pretty.” If you read the pronoun literally as a possessive and don’t think of it as a misspelled contraction, it sounds like Mary has a pretty locked in a cage somewhere.

Colleen was told, “You are lucky.” Tyler was also pretty. I got the message, “Your cool.” My cool what? Demeanor? Soul? Very mysterious seers those lasses of midtown. They are right, though. I am cool.
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SOTD: Double your pleasure, double your STC.com

There’s only one good captions for this photo, a single plural word that rhymes with “socks”. Howl Festival in East Village.
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I’ve been off of caffeine now for eight days. The effects are very noticable. I need to go to bed earlier, but I wake up often in the middle of the night. I’m more alert in the mornings, but in the afternoon I literally pass out on my desk.

My plan was to quit for two weeks. At this point I can say I will return to the caffeine. Next Monday morning I’m going to get a double espresso, run home because after two weeks without coffee I have a feeling it will clear things out of me that I swallowed in kindergarten. And then I’m going to be annoyingly hyperactive for a few days.
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SOTD: Have you seen the bride mug shot?

Look at the faces. Can you guess what Kerstin, Erik, and Ben were watching on TV?
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Best movie of the summer? Pirates of the Caribbean. That Johnny Depp. He makes me laugh. Keira Knightley is now my number one most favorite on-screen hot-babe. The Lord of the Rings elf dude does all right as well. Here’s how to pronounce Caribbean. But actual the other way is also listed.
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SOTD: A prison blog.

In this world there are heroes. There’s the guy who made my chicken mole tacos. There’s Jen, Mike, and Ben, who were not afraid to walk into Lolita last night. There’s Brad (pictured on the right) who leads his softball team and who came back to Plug Uglies last night because I had left my camera in his bag, to keep it safe. And then there is the greatest hero of all. On the left, Elizabeth, bartender and owner of big boobs.
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SOTD: Here’s what I’m missing in my neighborhood.

Joe Paterno is going to be honored on Wheaties boxes available throughout the Pennsylvania area. I’ve met the man. Short and very cool. Drinks Ole Grandad. Football season is nearly upon us. I’m so ready for jacket weather.
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Here’s a fact you all should know. Alcohol can reduce the effectiveness of novacain. This means if you have several pints the night before you get a filling, you may be in for a lot of pain. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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You’ve heard the new term “metrosexual”, of course. The shortened version is now “tro'”. As in, “Wow, those Diesel jeans are very tro’.”
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Sight Of The Day: From Tyler and Shift.com, make a cow video. Very hot.