Laura, the go-go coffee girl

I walked out of my apartment building this morning directly into a panicked woman in a weird costume standing beside a Vespa. With pleading eyes she asked me if I knew anything about mo-peds. I lied and said I did. I knocked it off its kickstand for her and turned to leave but she asked for more help, in near tears.
Apparantly, this was her first day of a really bad job and she had taken a tumble on the Vespa. Now she was paralyzingly afraid of the machine, but she had to get it back to Bowery and couldn’t even get it into neutral. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to assist. I rode motorcycles as a kid, so I tried to start it, but I think the engine was flooded. I ended up pushing while the go-go girl walked along side, which was probably for the best because I had no helmet or license.

Relieved to be rescued—she had asked five other people for help—the girl calmed down and we made small talk. She told me her name was Laura and that she was an actress; I never would have guessed.

When we made it to the garage, she tried to give me a free cup of coffee, but her dispenser was broken. She offered to give me the pot because she planned on quitting ASAP. I declined, but I did get a photo and a heartfelt “thank-you”.

SOTD: When this time comes, I hope we will be living in different state institutions.

I walked out of my apartment building this morning directly into a panicked woman in a weird costume standing beside a Vespa. With pleading eyes she asked me if I knew anything about mo-peds. I lied and said I did. I knocked it off its kickstand for her and turned to leave but she asked for more help, in near tears.

Apparantly, this was her first day of a really bad job and she had taken a tumble on the Vespa. Now she was paralyzingly afraid of the machine, but she had to get it back to Bowery and couldn’t even get it into neutral. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to assist. I rode motorcycles as a kid, so I tried to start it, but I think the engine was flooded. I ended up pushing while the go-go girl walked along side, which was probably for the best because I had no helmet or license.

Relieved to be rescued—she had asked five other people for help—the girl calmed down and we made small talk. She told me her name was Laura and that she was an actress; I never would have guessed.

When we made it to the garage, she tried to give me a free cup of coffee, but her dispenser was broken. She offered to give me the pot because she planned on quitting ASAP. I declined, but I did get a photo and a heartfelt “thank-you”.

SOTD: When this time comes, I hope we will be living in different state institutions.

Bonnie makes a fine wing

After a failed attempte to help Erik hang some shelves (not enough screws), Ben, Erik, Kerstin, and I had four orders of wings at the famous Bonnie’s. Very fine wings, but no better or worse than the Fourth Street Bar.
Can you open up a special savings account just to pay for future angioplasty?

Folks, take a lesson from Paris Hilton and Jessica Lynch. If you allow naked images to be taken of yourself by a lover, they will immediately be sold as soon as you break up.

SOTD: The Jets are coming to Manhattan. Brooklyn sucks.

After a failed attempte to help Erik hang some shelves (not enough screws), Ben, Erik, Kerstin, and I had four orders of wings at the famous Bonnie’s. Very fine wings, but no better or worse than the Fourth Street Bar.

Can you open up a special savings account just to pay for future angioplasty?

Folks, take a lesson from Paris Hilton and Jessica Lynch. If you allow naked images to be taken of yourself by a lover, they will immediately be sold as soon as you break up.

SOTD: The Jets are coming to Manhattan. Brooklyn sucks.

I’ve gone ergo

To ease some pain in my knuckles—I am an old man—I got a new ergonomic mouse and keyboard. The split keyboard has reduced my two-finger typing style to four words a minute. This relaxes my sore joints. …
This week’s New Yorker is the cartoon issue and features a Gary Larson drawing on the front. I miss him so. The New Yorker is the most pretentious, self-aggrandizing magazine that I absolutely have to read.

Please see this article in The Onion and then make fun of me. It’s about a 30-year-old who has his blog discovered by his mother. My mother reads my blog (hi, mom), but I don’t censor it any for her. I omit stuff so I don’t freak out dates and coworkers. Plus, I use codewords to put hidden meanings in my entries. For example, whenever I talk about the weather? I got drunk the night before. The word “classmates” refers to prostitutes. And “coffee” generally means cocaine. “Watching Harry Potter II,” means “sleeping with two girls at once in a midtown hotel.” I hope this clears stuff up.

SOTD: Catapult

To ease some pain in my knuckles—I am an old man—I got a new ergonomic mouse and keyboard. The split keyboard has reduced my two-finger typing style to four words a minute. This relaxes my sore joints.

This week’s New Yorker is the cartoon issue and features a Gary Larson drawing on the front. I miss him so. The New Yorker is the most pretentious, self-aggrandizing magazine that I absolutely have to read.

Please see this article in The Onion and then make fun of me. It’s about a 30-year-old who has his blog discovered by his mother. My mother reads my blog (hi, mom), but I don’t censor it any for her. I omit stuff so I don’t freak out dates and coworkers. Plus, I use codewords to put hidden meanings in my entries. For example, whenever I talk about the weather? I got drunk the night before. The word “classmates” refers to prostitutes. And “coffee” generally means cocaine. “Watching Harry Potter II,” means “sleeping with two girls at once in a midtown hotel.” I hope this clears stuff up.

SOTD: Catapult

Nemo sleeps with the fishes

Did you know “McJob” is now in Webster’s to describe dead-end part time work, much to the chagrin of McDonald’s corporation? Did you know “katzenjammer” is German for “cat trouble” but refers to a hangover? Have you ever turned to the dictionary for inspiration for your daily blog because you spent the previous night watching Harry Potter II and folding shirts? Me, either. …
RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:


What’s black when you get it, red when you use it, and white when you’re all through with it?

Answer to last week’s: They are married to each other’s mothers, or two each other’s mother’s sisters, to be less gross.

SOTD: From Mike, another smartass.

Did you know “McJob” is now in Webster’s to describe dead-end part time work, much to the chagrin of McDonald’s corporation? Did you know “katzenjammer” is German for “cat trouble” but refers to a hangover? Have you ever turned to the dictionary for inspiration for your daily blog because you spent the previous night watching Harry Potter II and folding shirts? Me, either.

RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:


What’s black when you get it, red when you use it, and white when you’re all through with it?

Answer to last week’s: They are married to each other’s mothers, or two each other’s mother’s sisters, to be less gross.

SOTD: From Mike, another smartass.

Nights with VCR

First, let me offer a happy Veteran’s Day to my favorite veteran, my cousin Allen. Allen just returned from the Iraq War after having his time there repeatedly extended. He was sent home for a two week furlough, but luckily his unit is not going back.
If Allen is asked to return, I think his sister Mary Beth might kidnap him. He’s more than welcome to hide out in my East Village tenement. Please remember to hug your favorite veteran today.

Today’s pic shows the kids from my writing workshop after a reading called “Beyond Words:Stories on Stage”. From left, Jen, Andy, James, Sean, and Mark. The woman who runs our workshop, Victoria C. Rowan, created “Beyond Words” and it was voted “New York’s Best Reading Series” by New York Magazine. Sadly, it’s done for the season, so you will have to wait for next year when I hope to be reading one or two stories.

I’ve learned that in the morning when I put on my socks, I should instantly put on my shoes. If I don’t, I’m guaranteed to stop in the bathroom for something and get “wetsock”. That can ruin your whole day. Almost thirty and that’s about all the wisdom I have.


SOTD: Send me a self portrait, please, after running the Scribbler.

First, let me offer a happy Veteran’s Day to my favorite veteran, my cousin Allen. Allen just returned from the Iraq War after having his time there repeatedly extended. He was sent home for a two week furlough, but luckily his unit is not going back.

If Allen is asked to return, I think his sister Mary Beth might kidnap him. He’s more than welcome to hide out in my East Village tenement. Please remember to hug your favorite veteran today.

Today’s pic shows the kids from my writing workshop after a reading called “Beyond Words:Stories on Stage”. From left, Jen, Andy, James, Sean, and Mark. The woman who runs our workshop, Victoria C. Rowan, created “Beyond Words” and it was voted “New York’s Best Reading Series” by New York Magazine. Sadly, it’s done for the season, so you will have to wait for next year when I hope to be reading one or two stories.

I’ve learned that in the morning when I put on my socks, I should instantly put on my shoes. If I don’t, I’m guaranteed to stop in the bathroom for something and get “wetsock”. That can ruin your whole day. Almost thirty and that’s about all the wisdom I have.


SOTD: Send me a self portrait, please, after running the Scribbler.

Get back, ho!

In the area around Bowery and Houston—the heart of my neighborhood—sits several abandoned lots, covered with trash, brush, and low talent graffiti. Scatter a few fires and it’s the perfect backdrop for when the mismatched movie cops go into the “bad” section of town. Or at least it used to be. One by one, the lots are being razed over and surrounded with shiny new, arrow-straight chain-link fence. Something is afoot. Soon the area will seem nice and not freak out my parents.
Some locals complain about the new buildings going up removing the “flavor”. I used to tell them to shut up, but now I just wait for rising rents to shoo them away.

RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Carl Jones introduced Roger Smith to his friend as his ‘Uncle Roger’. Roger Smith introduced Carl Jones to his friend as his ‘Uncle Carl’. “If you are uncles to each other,” queried one of the friends, “you must also be nephews to each other.” “That’s correct,” replied Carl.

Since there has been no breach of marriage law, how can you explain such a relationship?


Answer to last week’s: x=16, Email for details.

Drink #2
   She laughs quietly and he fills her glass and turns the bottle to prevent a drip. A plate of grilled asparagus with a balsamic glaze sits where the candle was. It has been moved to the side to flicker it’s light up to a Monet print above her left shoulder and his right.
   ‘That’s funny,’ she says. ‘I’ve never been there but I’ve heard of it.’ She watches him cut two spears into thirds, but the next into halves. She forks one of the pieces on her side of the plate. She leans in with the right hand for the food and with the left for her drink and pauses with her chin out, listening.
   ‘I lived there awhile,’ he says and reaches for his drink. He maintains the forward position and looks at her fork and her hand. She has a silver ring, a gift from her father. For a second they are both tilted towards each other and the communal appetizer and then she sits back up to chew. They repeat this coordinated leaning, like slow-motion windshield wipers, with her guiding the course.
   A drop of dressing leaves a piece of asparagus and lands on the cloth in front of him and she watches his left wipe it and then reach for his glass. He’s not wearing a watch.
   ‘Do you like your job?’ she asks, and he sits upright. He shifts for a moment in his seat and then tells her. When he changes the subject to something he does like, he leans on the table and holds very still. He looks at her eyes. While he talks, her tongue plays over a bit of asparagus leaf caught in her incisor. She responds without letting her lips raise up to reveal it.
   He’s focused on what he is saying without being self-centered. He chooses short sentences and only continues when she nods. He relates the story to the one she told earlier and segues it into questions for her. He wants a piece of asparagus that is on her half of the plate.
   Three sips of wine and the leaf can still be felt in her teeth. She wants to open her mouth wide to answer his question. She takes a large swallow of wine to finish the glass and boldly removes the leaf with her left index finger.
   ‘I was tempted to get the lobster raviolis, too. I may have to steal a bite of yours,’ she says and then responds.

SOTD: I just finished The da Vinci Code, a best-selling mystery based on the theories that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ wife, as seen on ABC last night and here. If Jesus was born to suffer, I think it is only appropriate that he should be married.

In the area around Bowery and Houston—the heart of my neighborhood—sits several abandoned lots, covered with trash, brush, and low talent graffiti. Scatter a few fires and it’s the perfect backdrop for when the mismatched movie cops go into the “bad” section of town. Or at least it used to be. One by one, the lots are being razed over and surrounded with shiny new, arrow-straight chain-link fence. Something is afoot. Soon the area will seem nice and not freak out my parents.

Some locals complain about the new buildings going up removing the “flavor”. I used to tell them to shut up, but now I just wait for rising rents to shoo them away.

RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Carl Jones introduced Roger Smith to his friend as his ‘Uncle Roger’. Roger Smith introduced Carl Jones to his friend as his ‘Uncle Carl’. “If you are uncles to each other,” queried one of the friends, “you must also be nephews to each other.” “That’s correct,” replied Carl.

Since there has been no breach of marriage law, how can you explain such a relationship?


Answer to last week’s: x=16, Email for details.

Drink #2
   She laughs quietly and he fills her glass and turns the bottle to prevent a drip. A plate of grilled asparagus with a balsamic glaze sits where the candle was. It has been moved to the side to flicker it’s light up to a Monet print above her left shoulder and his right.
   ‘That’s funny,’ she says. ‘I’ve never been there but I’ve heard of it.’ She watches him cut two spears into thirds, but the next into halves. She forks one of the pieces on her side of the plate. She leans in with the right hand for the food and with the left for her drink and pauses with her chin out, listening.
   ‘I lived there awhile,’ he says and reaches for his drink. He maintains the forward position and looks at her fork and her hand. She has a silver ring, a gift from her father. For a second they are both tilted towards each other and the communal appetizer and then she sits back up to chew. They repeat this coordinated leaning, like slow-motion windshield wipers, with her guiding the course.
   A drop of dressing leaves a piece of asparagus and lands on the cloth in front of him and she watches his left wipe it and then reach for his glass. He’s not wearing a watch.
   ‘Do you like your job?’ she asks, and he sits upright. He shifts for a moment in his seat and then tells her. When he changes the subject to something he does like, he leans on the table and holds very still. He looks at her eyes. While he talks, her tongue plays over a bit of asparagus leaf caught in her incisor. She responds without letting her lips raise up to reveal it.
   He’s focused on what he is saying without being self-centered. He chooses short sentences and only continues when she nods. He relates the story to the one she told earlier and segues it into questions for her. He wants a piece of asparagus that is on her half of the plate.
   Three sips of wine and the leaf can still be felt in her teeth. She wants to open her mouth wide to answer his question. She takes a large swallow of wine to finish the glass and boldly removes the leaf with her left index finger.
   ‘I was tempted to get the lobster raviolis, too. I may have to steal a bite of yours,’ she says and then responds.

SOTD: I just finished The da Vinci Code, a best-selling mystery based on the theories that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ wife, as seen on ABC last night and here. If Jesus was born to suffer, I think it is only appropriate that he should be married.

Arrrggg!

Colleen and Lauren threw the biggest and best Halloween bash ever on Friday. I wrote the Evite and helped carry the keg six flights up to the roof with Mike and Tyler, so I felt entitled to show up early and leave late.
I was a pirate. To get my goatee that dark I used Grecian Formula’s “Just for Beards”. Some pirates wore Pumas.

Here’s some photos of the other kids. Aaron and Brian took a lot more shots than me, so I may add some more photos later. I haven’t added comments yet, so you can look and guess what people are. I’ll put up the answers later.

Marty has a really good account of the party and pics here.

SOTD: I like this site.

Colleen and Lauren threw the biggest and best Halloween bash ever on Friday. I wrote the Evite and helped carry the keg six flights up to the roof with Mike and Tyler, so I felt entitled to show up early and leave late.

I was a pirate. To get my goatee that dark I used Grecian Formula’s “Just for Beards”. Some pirates wore Pumas.

Here’s some photos of the other kids. Aaron and Brian took a lot more shots than me, so I may add some more photos later. I haven’t added comments yet, so you can look and guess what people are. I’ll put up the answers later.

Marty has a really good account of the party and pics here.

SOTD: I like this site.

Front Row

Well, not really in the front row, but close enough that while watching Kill Bill, Tyler and I got some blood splattered on us.
What do Quentin Tarantino, LeBron James, and Tyler have in common? They are all good at what they do. Tarantino made a very entertaining homage to the kung-fu genre with Kill Bill. LeBron began to live up to the hype with his NBA opener in Sacremento last night. And Tyler, who is good at getting me drunk in new bars, got me drunk in a new bar called Dublin.

I’m experimenting with putting five days on the front page. What do you think?

SOTD: Define your foreign policy.

Well, not really in the front row, but close enough that while watching Kill Bill, Tyler and I got some blood splattered on us.

What do Quentin Tarantino, LeBron James, and Tyler have in common? They are all good at what they do. Tarantino made a very entertaining homage to the kung-fu genre with Kill Bill. LeBron began to live up to the hype with his NBA opener in Sacremento last night. And Tyler, who is good at getting me drunk in new bars, got me drunk in a new bar called Dublin.

I’m experimenting with putting five days on the front page. What do you think?

SOTD: Define your foreign policy.

Earrings and A1

Sarah shows off her huge diamond earrings. …
More and more, I’m being drawn to Brooklyn. I went out to Park Slope last night to inspect Erik’s new apartment. It is huge. Both he and Kerstin have offices. There is even a dining room and a laundry room with a washer and dryer. I would end that sentence in an exclamation point if I believed in them.

At my current place, I can be at work in fifteen minutes. I can go home before going out and walk to most city attractions. It’s just so damn small. Plus, I hate the thought of walking over the bridge after the next disaster. Suggestions, anyone?

RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Sarah was tutoring last night and came across this equation, which she could not solve. So far, I have been stumped as well.
equation.gif

Answer to last week’s: The true son is a hemopheliac and the test was a blood test. If you think this is dumb, it is just sour grapes. You are dumb. Jer got it in four minutes.

SOTD: Visual IQ test

Sarah shows off her huge diamond earrings.

More and more, I’m being drawn to Brooklyn. I went out to Park Slope last night to inspect Erik’s new apartment. It is huge. Both he and Kerstin have offices. There is even a dining room and a laundry room with a washer and dryer. I would end that sentence in an exclamation point if I believed in them.

At my current place, I can be at work in fifteen minutes. I can go home before going out and walk to most city attractions. It’s just so damn small. Plus, I hate the thought of walking over the bridge after the next disaster. Suggestions, anyone?

RIDDLE OF THE WEEK:

Sarah was tutoring last night and came across this equation, which she could not solve. So far, I have been stumped as well.
equation.gif

Answer to last week’s: The true son is a hemopheliac and the test was a blood test. If you think this is dumb, it is just sour grapes. You are dumb. Jer got it in four minutes.

SOTD: Visual IQ test

Mt. Mansfield–Vermont’s Tallest Peak

I spent the weekend doing a little winter camping in Vermont. I know it's technically fall now, but when the thermometer dips below 20, that's winter in my book. More pics and comments of about the weekend to be posted tonight.

I consider myself one of the first caucasians to ever ride the Chinatown bus to Boston about three years ago. Now it is a crazy free-for-all to get on the damn thing. I fought my way on last night, sat next to a very cute French co-ed, and got home very late.

While I was gone, the Yankees lost. Nobody cares.

SOTD: Flash animated stories.

I spent the weekend doing a little winter camping in Vermont. I know it's technically fall now, but when the thermometer dips below 20, that's winter in my book. More pics and comments of about the weekend to be posted tonight.

I consider myself one of the first caucasians to ever ride the Chinatown bus to Boston about three years ago. Now it is a crazy free-for-all to get on the damn thing. I fought my way on last night, sat next to a very cute French co-ed, and got home very late.

While I was gone, the Yankees lost. Nobody cares.

SOTD: Flash animated stories.