Author: Sean

The Montreal Expos are no more. They have packed their bags and are on the bus headed south to become a team for Washington in the District of Columbia. Tyler heard they needed a new name and sent me a few ideas to which I added whatever I could.

POTENTIAL NAMES FOR THE NEW WASHINGTON BASEBALL TEAM
by Tyler Dickson and Sean T. Conrad

The Washington Monuments
“I scream, you scream, we all scream for enormous phallic symbols!”

The Washington Snipers
“Pick ’em off, Snipers!”

The Washington Incumbents
“Four more runs! Four more runs!”

The Washington Beltway
“Heavy traffic ahead! Expect delays! And RBIs!”

The Washington Interns
“Lick ’em, Interns!”

The Washington Post
“Where there’s a George Will, there’s a way!”

The Washington Expos
“O Canada…”

The Washington Secret Service
“Take one for the team!”

The Washington Wonks
“We make baseball even more esoteric!”

The Washington Washingtons
“George Rules!”

The Washington Tee-Pee Creepers
“Why should only the ‘Redskins’ have a patently offensive name?”

The Washington Yankees

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Site of the Day: Perhaps inspired by the Red Sox, quintessential indie hipster Bright Eyes knocks Usher and Alicia Keys’ “My Boo” off the #1 spot on the Billboard charts.

From the Inbox, here are three of my oldest friends, Matt, Kristen, and Todd. Looking at this photo makes me think I should have just stayed in touch with her. Matt married her though, so I’m forced to hang out with these devils periodically. They scare me.
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Site of the Day: Also, very disturbing to me, The Wilford Brimley Musical.

I think the better question is how do you get them off the couch after drinking giant bloody mary’s and eating Doritos. When Tyler watches college football, he has these babes around just for atmosphere, sort of like Robert Palmer. I need to spend more Saturdays over at the Dickson Inn on Bedford.
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Great weekend, which I may or may not write more about. Rented “Saved!” with Jess (see it just for Mandy Moore), watched football with aforementioned blondes, hung out with fellow Altoona alums Terry Shea and Lisa P, watched the Steelers annhilate cross-state rivals, the Eagles, and also snuck in eleven hours of GTA San Andreas. The last bit has caused me to give up eating, showering, and productive writing. If anyone knows a support group, please come and turn off my PS2 and take me to it.
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Site of the Day: No video games tonight, instead I’ll be at my friend’s, Andy, James, Mark, and Jen, reading. Please join me.

At the time of writing this no official winner has been declared, but it appears that statistically that Ohio will go to Bush and he will win the election. As a Kerry supporter, I am very disappointed. On the walk to work I drafted in my head a letter to each of the parties saying basically, “Get ’em next time,” to the Dems and to the Repubs. “Let’s not be divided and please use your term wisely.”

Or if I was more honest, to the Dems, “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!? HOW THE HELL DID YOU SCREW THAT UP?!?! THE WAR AND THE ECONOMY ARE IN THE SHITTER AND THE LITTLE MAN CAN’T EVEN FORM COMPLETE SENTENCES!! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE?!?! Are you not aware that CHEATING IS REQUIRED?!?! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!”

To Republicans, “Sooner or later you are going to be culpable for the fear mongering and irrational evangelism. I linked the larger words to a dictionary you narrow-minded, self-righteous, illiterate fucks.” [Ed. note: Obviously, I am venting, but actually quite a few Americans are illiterate.]

Whoa. I almost feel better, but not quite. Vince Lombardi said show me a good loser and I’ll show you a loser, but I have no more energy after today for sour grapes. It’s interesting that the emotions are so similar to having your favorite sports team lose the championship, when the actual stakes are worlds apart.

From Tyler:
Q: If both Al Qaeda and American Republicans know what God is thinking, why are these two groups at war?
A: Trick question, they aren’t at war. America invaded Iraq, not Saudi Arabia.

Fuck. Ok, time to move on.
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Site of the Day: From Erik, http://www.monster.ca

And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became as black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, and the Red Sox swept the Series.
– Rev 6:12-14

According the Gideon’s Book of Lore and Sports Illustrated, the end is near. Jesus is coming. Try and look busy.
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I was home with a cold yesterday, so today there will be a second, bonus entry. Joy.
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Site of the Day: Thighs Wide Shut has a nice bit on the NYC Subway celebrating 100 years.

I used to make mixes, one per season. And then I discovered the magic of QVC and somehow a year went by. One day I woke up and cleared away all the Foreman Grills and screwdriver sets and took a long look at the Sean in the mirror. I knew I couldn’t buy happiness. Not on my salary. So I have returned to my life of trading mix cds (and sex) for beer. Email me if you want some.

This mix is from a folder that has been gathering songs and dust since last summer, so some of these may have already made their way to an Acura commercial. Enjoy the familiarity.

01 You Can’t Hurry Love – The Concretes
I know nothing about this band, other than they produce poppy chick songs.
02 One More Time – The French Kicks
Another catch tune, this time from some NYC folks. They don’t know me.
03 Bam Thwok – Pixies
The Greatest Band Of All Time According To Everyone released a sub-average single to announce their new tour. I still heart them.
04 Staring at the Sun – TV on the Radio
These guys are unique and better than that other band sitting over there beside the UPS man. The chick from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs sings a little. I don’t really like her band, but I have not yet formed an opinon about her.
05 Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton – Mountain Goats
The best ever song to listen to five times in a row and then never again. Hail Satan!
06 Mr. Brightside – The Killers
The Killers, formerly from Denton, dropped the Dark Lord and wenty catchy. Survey says?! Success!
07 Summertime – The Fire Theft
Much better when it is summer.
08 Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand
Does anyone remember Interpol or the Strokes? Me either.
09 We Don’t Stop – Michael Franti & Spearhead
Hip Hop meet social concious. I am there.
10 Won’t Be Home – Old 97’s
Take a trite country chorus and ride like Paul fucking Revere.
11 Corona – Calexico
That song needs a mariachi backing, Jackass.
12 New Friend – Leisure
I met a new friend. I will have him for a couple of years. I can’t find this disk for sale anywhere online. Odd.
13 C’mon C’mon – The Von Bondies
14 In the Street – Big Star
That Crappy Show theme. Shows what a cowbell can do.
15 Son’s Gonna Rise – Citizen Cope
16 Beautiful – Clem Snide
Aguilera could rock in an Alt.Country way.
17 Surf Wax America (Live) – Weezer
Great last song of the set drums.
18 Hotel Yorba (Live At Hotel Yorba) – The White Stripes
Where is Yorba?
19 99 Problems – Danger Mouse
I still love this song. If you don’t know the story behind this album…your life is no less rich than those of us who do. The song is however illegal and impossible to get. Except online in ten seconds.

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Site of the Day: Here’s a song and video by Eminem showing that he hates GWB as much as I do.

It’s me, in my robe, in bed on Saturday at 12:26 PM, and refusing to get up. Sort of my happy place. Too weird for the website? Possibly. It’s the only shot I had. I could spin it that the person was taking the shot because they were hungry. Hungry people can not be supportive of sleep.

I was dreaming of world without yo-yos or harmonicas.
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I watched Shrek 2 this weekend just to see the scene where the cat attacks. It looks like this.
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Please send any compaints about today’s entry to gfy@seantconrad.com, Todd.
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Site of the Day: NO! NO! NO! Joe’s Pizza is closing. The site of a few scene’s from Spider Man II and numerous Law and Orders, but most importantly, the best slice-to-go in the city, is being force out by high rents. I’m headed there for lunch.

I saw Jon Stewart a few years ago at Caroline’s. He chain smoked and read his jokes from a yellow legal pad. He wasn’t really trying to impress, but was, as he admitted, just testing some material for “The Daily Show.” Of the eight other comedians, he was the only one to make me laugh so hard I spit up a little.

Today’s entry is to inform anyone who is not a plugged into the web as I am that recently on “Crossfire”, Jon Stewart called Tucker Carlson a dick. Which he is. Jon was pleading to the hosts of the show to stop being mouthpieces for party politics. His point is so right and valid that I hope more people pick up on it. The media, whether it’s Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore and Al Franken, picks sides and then tows the party line. But if you look at the polls with Bush and Kerry running neck and neck, and a large number of undecideds, it’s pretty obvious that the public falls somewhere in the middle. And nowhere in the media, other than perhaps “The Daily Show”, is there a voice for the moderate. Only in satire to we see the true opinion of the majority, that both parties are pompous assholes. Unfortunately, there is no national committee or PAC to whom you can donate money that will promote those viewpoints.

Also see Jon’s comments on his “Crossfire” appearance and watch him this Sunday on “60 Minutes.”
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Sites of the Day: Upgrade you iPod battery to 22 hours for $40.
Also, from the lovely Kate, Pranker bests scammer.

Four more wins and the bitchy martyrs of baseball will never cry “Whoa is me! The Curse! Ruth! Buckner!” My baseball loathing aside, it was a rather good series and I confess I got drawn in. I’m a sucker for the underdog.
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I often make barbs against rooting for the obvious winner like the Yankees, Dallas of the 90’s, or Microsoft, but I realize now that by adopting NYC as my home, I’m guilty of it, too. If I wanted to be really indie and bad ass, I’d move to fixer-upper like Baltimore. I could hang with those nasty people on “The Wire.” I’d probably have to lose the black glasses and tight sweaters, though.
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Site of the Day:From the Chrissy, Squirrel Fishing at my alma mater.

When I was a young lad of 13 or 14, my fellow guttersnipes and I would wander the streets of Altoona creating all sorts of mischief. We’d go to parking lots and pee in unlocked cars, throw apples or snowball at moving cars, shoot PSU students with bb-guns from the bushes as they got out of their cars–clearly we were frustrated at not being allowed to drive.

When we weren’t terriorizing automobiles, we’d invent other mayhem. One of my favorites was the TV Game. All the homes in Toon-town used the same cable box and thus the same remote. You could borrow the remote from the family den and sneak up to a neighbor’s window and change their channel. The trick was to change it back just as they stood up and inspected the box. You cannot believe how much fun this is.

Today’s pic is a new key chain device that will remotely turn off almost any TV by cycling through over a thousand different signals. I wish I had one when I was in a bar in Boston watching the baseball game the other night. I could have given some clam fishermen heart attacks.

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I’ve stayed neutral and annoyed, but now I’m choosing sides; I’m officially supporting the Red Sox, soley so all those fans quit their perennial bitching. Bill Simmons had promised me; “If the Red Sox prevail against the Yankees and win the World Series, you will never have to read me whining about the travails of Red Sox fans again.”

Thank God.

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Site of the Day: From Erik, see how many flavors of germs are on your money.