For what appeared to be no reason whatsoever, Conde Nast and some other large corporations, planned a concert at Radio City Music Hall called “Fashion Rocks.” Then a hurricane hit and even the dimmest designers could see the vapidness of a night celebrating the connection between Fashion and Rock. They quickly changed the event into disaster relief fund raiser which caused an internal struggle in me, not knowing how to react when vile people do a good thing.
Despite my dislike for these things and that culture, I jumped at the chance to attend when Ildi got free tickets. I reserve all rights to by hypocritical. I’d like to say I wanted to go and observe with ironic detachment, but I can rubber neck with the best of them if no one is looking.
“Fashion,” by the way, is the advertising industries clever word for “advertising.” B. F. Skinner would definitely tell you that you did not pick those jeans yourself.
Enough rant, here is a brief recap of the show. It was filmed as close as possible to the format that will air tonight on CBS. The acts included David Bowie, Nelly, Tim McGraw, Joss Stone, The Arcade Fire, Duran Duran, Gwen Stefani, Destiny’s Child, Shakira, Rob Thomas, Alicia Keys. The format caused long breaks between songs where they showed commercial on the moniters. To say the least, this did not enhance the experience.
I am a bit of an indie snob who prefers harder-edged stuff. That being said, I do enjoy the occasional pop or country tune. I expected to enjoy at least half of the songs, which is the best you can hope for in a variety show. I rememembered these songs:
1.) Tim McGraw singing Generic Country Tune #47 – All country songs sound the same, I knew this one and could tap my toes. Because of that and since Tim is from Louisiana, he got a thumbs up.
2.) Rob Thomas – Boring name, haircut, music, and performance. The only true rock song of the night, but it failed to rock. Step on the pedal, man.
3.) Joss Stone – The barefoot teenage belter from England. You can only get green card in the US if you can demonstrate you perform a service not fillable by someone here. We should buy Joss some shoes and send her limey ass back home, because we already have Christina Agulera to sing with too many annoying fluorishes.
Joss and Rob did do a nice cover of Tom Petty’s “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around.” All women love Stevie Nicks.
4.) Destiny’s Child – The trio did a medley of their hits. Good call. Possibly the most entertaining set of the night. I know it gets hyped alot, but Beyonce’s booty is a wonder to behold. It’s could steer planets out of their orbits with the glow of its magnificence.
5.) David Bowie – He did “Life on Mars” with just a baby grand. Awesome. Worth the price of admission.
6.) Nelly and some other dude – Won the award for most girls on stage, which they shared with a Chevy Tahoe. Product placement is a never ending struggle.
7.) Duran Duran – “Girls on Film” and some other song I also was not nostalgic for.
8.) Gwen Stefani – I don’t know why she is an icon. I just don’t see it, but I have always been turned off by big feet and bad skin. Oh, and bad singing doesn’t help.
9.) Shakira – She did this bizarre boob-shake thing that caused me to turn to Ildi and say, “I hate hyperbole, but she is the most talented women in the universe!” If her booty touched Beyonce’s booty, a bright light would emminate and cure all the evils of the world.
10.) Alicia Keys – Great if you like that sort of music (new soul). I don’t.
11.) The Arcade Fire – Great if you like that sort of music (poppy, overproduced indie Phish-wannabee Montreal stuff). I don’t. Ildi liked them a lot, though. And they did a good job backing Bowie for one tune.
12.) Billy Idol – We left before he went on.
All in all, it was a fun evening and I enjoyed a chance to see some acts that I would never otherwise witness. Thanks, Ildi!
Related Links:
– Fashion Rocks 2005
– Jealous? You could have been a seat filler.
