Author: Sean

I skimped on my latest haircut (instead of my usual guy at So-hair) and I paid the price. To make it look worse, I allowed the woman to gel it up before I went home. Let this photo serve as a warning to you. Gel seems to be the new frat-ballcap these days. Just see the site Gay or Jersey? or Growing Up Gotti to see some really bad hair. People out there make their head look like that in a non-ironic fashion. Insane.

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You know what's not insane and what may or may not be true? The story I will be telling at The Liar Show tomorrow in Brooklyn. You really should attend, even if there is a good chance you have heard my story before. Here's the details:

The Liar Show
Thursday, July 12 @ 8:00pm
Donna da Vine Wine Bar

Directions

The gist of the show is that four performers tell stories, one is telling a lie. The audience gets slips of paper and gets to vote on the fibber. Correct votes win a t-shirt. I will be one of the potential fabricators, so you should show up to see me be nervous. The venue is great and weather permitting we might perform in the garden.

Today's beautiful shot was taken by good friend Johann at the opening of the Floating Pool Lady.

This weekend was sweaty, heady, and oh so much more fun than working. Here's a recap list for no apparent reason:

• On Friday, three dates and I ate at Shima, the best sushi in the East Village, and then drank at Louis (rhymes with "screwy").
• Saturday morning found us eating kielbasa al fresco at Theresa's with the wtb and Ben.
• Saturday night we took in The Liar Show at the Cornelia Street Cafe. I've mentioned it in the past. If you are free this Thursday then come to the one in Brooklyn to hear me tell or not tell a lie.
• That night, three dates and I ate at Pizza Gruppo, the best slice in the East Village, and then drank at Louis (rhymes with "screwy").
• Sunday was all about Kenyan AA, AC, and the crossword, and becoming the Don of NYC.

So two events with three dates…and you get a pool picture.

Because it's summer and for all the obvious reasons, the Current Celeb Crush is bikini supermodel Jennifer England. It's not impossible to think that she also loves big TVs, fly-fishing, and beer.

 

So the 4th finally came, and so did the rain. We had a party planned, but the dark clouds and work looming the next day caused most people to stay home. Our upstairs neighbors made up for our party slacking and invited all of Brooklyn to their pad.

Despite the rain and our cancelled shindig, we did at least get to see the fireworks. Freaking AMAZING! Pictures are an insult to fireworks. The Macy's show is almost on top of the Promenade and the deliver 45 minutes of the biggest and newest rockets available. What is tiny in a photo filled my line of sight that evening. The BOOMS are deafening and immediate at that range. The smell of smoke wafts over shortly after the show begins.

I'd never watched the show from a vantage point that can also see the barge. There's a whole lot going on down there that shouldn't be missed. The launches are accompianed by Roman candles and other small land based pyrotechnics. Dozens of flame, jelly-fish-like floaters lifted up from the craft.

In the end, I was ready for the finally to the war-simulacrum. It came right as my legs were cramping up and did a great job of surpassing any of the previous explosions. I love fireworks finales.

On Saturday workers moved and anchored the Floating Pool Lady in her new operational spot, just south of where I showed you her before. There is sand in the parking lot, gang planks to her deck, and water in the pool. Looks like there will be July 4th swimming.

Eh. Not really loving it. Happy to see it go.

The grocery stores in New York are either disgusting ("Is that lettuce or batwings?") or ridiculously expensive (Dean & DeFukya). They are also small with a selection equal to Cold War Yakutsk. So while my friends and family from places like Dallas and Altoona would not be impressed with the Red Hook Fairway because the rest of America has giant palaces of gold for grocery store, two New York girls can get transcendant when discovering the collosal converted shipping warehouse to grocery store shown in today's photo. Aged beef and filet for $5.99 a pound. That's ridiculous.

Now if only we had a car and the store wasn't filled to the gills every weekend with pushy New Yorkers.

Pre-chopped cole-slaw, Ken's Steakhouse Lite Oil & Vinegar, Light Chips (with Olestra!), Fat-free Miracle Whip, sliced Boar's Head pepper turkey, Claussen pickles. This is my non-aorta-clogging version of the Primanti Bros' sandwich that I have been eating all summer.

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Have you ever noticed many Midwestern recipes have name brands in them? It's always "Velveeta" not "cheddar cheese." Those marketers are sharp.

On Saturday Kerstin, Erik, Ben, and I zip car-ed it out to the Delaware Water Gap for some hiking. It was a perfect day and we ascended the 1250 feet to TK point in no time. The hike was going so well that I was able to convince the team to take an unmarked path to extend our loop all the way to a reservoir way north into the valley.

The path, a grown over access road, turned out to be fantastic. It was smooth, level, grassy and meandered through fern and blueberry meadows. After leaving the marked trail, we had made jokes about how that's how every horror movie starts, but the walk was the exact opposite.

Well into the walk, not far from where we hoped to meet the return trail, Ben and I had picked up the pace and gotten about fifty yards ahead of Erik and Kerstin. The wide path allowed us to walk side by side and we were yammering away trying to chew up miles. We plodded around a bend and while Ben was chatting into the path I looked up and saw an enormous bear stepping onto the trail just 25 feet or so ahead of us. I froze and quickly said, "Ben. Bear." He didn't stop so I put grabbed his upper arm. This woke him up and he looked left and right and then across his nose at the enormous black blob right in front of us.

The bear was the largest I have ever seen in person, I estimate 450-500 pounds. The size points to him being a him and he had the slightest white patch in the bib area, which might mean he was older. He stood broadside to us and eerily was not looking at us, like a bar lout whose drunken brain is slowly telling his arms to punch.

Ben and I just stood very still. I don't remember exactly what we said, but I think I said, "Don't run," talking to both Ben and myself. The bear turned and looked us dead in the eye for what felt like ten minutes but was probably one-mississippi. He then turned back to his direction of travel and very slowly walked off the trail, obviously in no sort of hurry.

I pulled out my camera to snap a photo, but he was frequently invisible in the thick brush. And then he was out of site for good.

Ben and I walked back to Erik and Kerstin and told them the whole thing. They had been unable to see the bear because of the bend in the trail. At first they thought we were joking, but I'm not a good enough actor to pull off ashen. The party voted 3 to 1 to turn around and I was forced to retreat from Senor Bear, sans photo. Next time I'm wrassling him (but only after I break Ben's knee so I can escape while it eats him, if need be.)

Related:

• Old DWG hike and camping trip
• Delaware Water Gap
• How To Handle A Bear Encounter

 

On Father's Day I enjoyed a pleasant afternoon in New Jersey. We got this shot of my siltb's. The one on the left bbq's a mean hanger steak. The one on the right takes photos. The furry one in the middle eats children.