Last night at 10:30 I decided to organize the wires behind my computer desk. By 1 I had mounted two surge protectors and a USB hub to a board I screwed on to the back legs. That sentence, while being very innocent, contained the words “mounted”, “screwed”, and “legs” and it will definitely boost my late night traffic. Sometimes I wish I could do all my writing from 10 at night until 1 or 2 AM. I need a third trick white collar job.
…
Here is the train of thought I had on the subway this morning: Above me, beside an American Express ad with a girl I once went out with, was an ad for Jon Stewart’s America. The book cover reads “With forward by Thomas Jefferson.” I assume that is the Declaration of Independence and also very funny in the context they are using it. I would ask for the book for Christmas, but as my friend Albert says, the shelf life for political satire is about four days. It’s not funny after he wins.
America reminded me of a conservative message board I stumbled upon yesterday where the people were foaming at the mouth over a Robert Smigel cartoon on this week’s Saturday Night Live. Among the rants were calls to write the FCC (I’d love a “Fuck the FCC” shirt for Bushmas) and a repeated “What do you expect from New York/TV/Hollywood?” My mind recalled Woody Allen’s great line from Annie Hall, “Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”
I thought about some people back home who sometimes have a misconception of what my life is like in Gotham. Although last night I was in my slippers watching The Swan, they might picture me as the swarthy mustached man in the background waiting for Jenny as she goes over the edge in Forest Gump. Did the director really need to go that seedy? Of course, Jenny started out with a rough home, although she was a cute kid. A messed up childhood can lead you to loading the syringe for some Ron Jeremy-looking pimp.
Speaking of kids with messed up lives, Haley Joel Osment was in the movie. They are working him harder than Col. Tom drove Elvis. Sooner or later, once the cuteness wears off, that boy is going to snap. I wonder what he will be when he grows up:
Haley Joel Osment’s Five Most Likely Next Careers
- Crack Salesman
- Crack Whore
- Emcee in Branson, MO
- Computer Programmer
- President
Then, the subway doors opened up and spit me onto Vandam Street before I could get anymore. I needed coffee.
…
Site of the Day: Go ahead and click Baby Jesus. He likes it.
Last night at 10:30 I decided to organize the wires behind my computer desk. By 1 I had mounted two surge protectors and a USB hub to a board I screwed on to the back legs. That sentence, while being very innocent, contained the words “mounted”, “screwed”, and “legs” and it will definitely boost my late night traffic. Sometimes I wish I could do all my writing from 10 at night until 1 or 2 AM. I need a third trick white collar job.
…
Here is the train of thought I had on the subway this morning: Above me, beside an American Express ad with a girl I once went out with, was an ad for Jon Stewart’s America. The book cover reads “With forward by Thomas Jefferson.” I assume that is the Declaration of Independence and also very funny in the context they are using it. I would ask for the book for Christmas, but as my friend Albert says, the shelf life for political satire is about four days. It’s not funny after he wins.
America reminded me of a conservative message board I stumbled upon yesterday where the people were foaming at the mouth over a Robert Smigel cartoon on this week’s Saturday Night Live. Among the rants were calls to write the FCC (I’d love a “Fuck the FCC” shirt for Bushmas) and a repeated “What do you expect from New York/TV/Hollywood?” My mind recalled Woody Allen’s great line from Annie Hall, “Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”
I thought about some people back home who sometimes have a misconception of what my life is like in Gotham. Although last night I was in my slippers watching The Swan, they might picture me as the swarthy mustached man in the background waiting for Jenny as she goes over the edge in Forest Gump. Did the director really need to go that seedy? Of course, Jenny started out with a rough home, although she was a cute kid. A messed up childhood can lead you to loading the syringe for some Ron Jeremy-looking pimp.
Speaking of kids with messed up lives, Haley Joel Osment was in the movie. They are working him harder than Col. Tom drove Elvis. Sooner or later, once the cuteness wears off, that boy is going to snap. I wonder what he will be when he grows up:
Haley Joel Osment’s Five Most Likely Next Careers
- Crack Salesman
- Crack Whore
- Emcee in Branson, MO
- Computer Programmer
- President
Then, the subway doors opened up and spit me onto Vandam Street before I could get anymore. I needed coffee.
…
Site of the Day: Go ahead and click Baby Jesus. He likes it.