I didn’t have usable picture today (too much nudity) so I had to pull one from the Associated Press. The U.S. is now using dolphins to locate mines in the harbors of Iraq, something which I have no problems with. This caused me to ponder the right and wrong of it. I eat meat and I consciously condone the killing of animals for appropriate reasons, but I don’t give it much thought very often. My train of thought led to thinking about all the animals I ever killed personally. Growing up in the country with a BB gun, I had ample opportunity to snipe a few critters. Here’s a list complete with explanations. Before you have me committed, try and realize that it’s not always easy to come up with things to write about.
- insects – Yeah, this is a given, but once during a boardgame, I asked a friend to squash a mosquito that had alit on a gamepiece. A very rich, hot, spoiled vegetarian girl who was also at the table screeched at us not to because that mosquito was part of the food chain; we owed our very existence to it. I promptly caught it between my fingers and tossed it into my mouth and swallowed. “Now it still is,” I told her as her jaw dropped. The hippy girls at school didn’t like me.
- frogs, toads, & salamanders – By the dozens, every way possible. I grew up next to pond. Frogs float with just their eyes above the surface,
requiring a very skilled shot. Apparently, killing animals is acceptible if it is difficult.
- robin – Brian Mattas and I shot one in second grade with our BB guns. We actually felt so guilty that we floated it out onto the pond—viking style— on a board covered with flaming newspaper. At the age of eight, I had a gun and access to matches.
- two cats – One with the car, felt awful. The other was the neighbors. They were on vacation, unknown to me, and I poked my head in their stupidly unlocked door to see if anyone wanted to “play”; I was six. Their cat squirmed out and made a bee-line for the nearest moving bumper. I had to tell them when they got home that their cat was dead.
- mouse – Just a month ago. I found it on the sticky paper and put it in a bucket of water to humanely dispose of it. It wriggled for a thirty seconds or so and then with one tiny bubble, it was gone. This actually shook me up for the better part of the day.
- many snakes – Including a copperhead that tried to eat a minnow on the end of my fishing line.
- many fish – I ate these.
- several bats – In college I lived in a house that was plagued with bats and for years I had to run to my elderly uncle for protection every time one swooped through. The damn things scared the shit out of me, until one day after a fight with my girlfriend, I dispatched one with a broomstick like it was my job. Nothing like a little relationship frustration to help you overcome your fears. Totally healthy.
- horseshoe crabs – While I was a assistant clam biologist in Hyannis, I slaughtered hundreds of horseshoe crabs because my boss told me that they ate baby clams. It wasn’t until the end of the summer that he told me that it is illegal to kill horseshoe crabs.
CONCLUSION: If you have read this far, god help you. I can’t really make any coherent conclusion from the above reminiscent homicidal babbling. Maybe I’ll buy a point and include these stories in an essay that actually has structure. I just felt like typing.
I didn’t have usable picture today (too much nudity) so I had to pull one from the Associated Press. The U.S. is now using dolphins to locate mines in the harbors of Iraq, something which I have no problems with. This caused me to ponder the right and wrong of it. I eat meat and I consciously condone the killing of animals for appropriate reasons, but I don’t give it much thought very often. My train of thought led to thinking about all the animals I ever killed personally. Growing up in the country with a BB gun, I had ample opportunity to snipe a few critters. Here’s a list complete with explanations. Before you have me committed, try and realize that it’s not always easy to come up with things to write about.
- insects – Yeah, this is a given, but once during a boardgame, I asked a friend to squash a mosquito that had alit on a gamepiece. A very rich, hot, spoiled vegetarian girl who was also at the table screeched at us not to because that mosquito was part of the food chain; we owed our very existence to it. I promptly caught it between my fingers and tossed it into my mouth and swallowed. “Now it still is,” I told her as her jaw dropped. The hippy girls at school didn’t like me.
- frogs, toads, & salamanders – By the dozens, every way possible. I grew up next to pond. Frogs float with just their eyes above the surface,
requiring a very skilled shot. Apparently, killing animals is acceptible if it is difficult.
- robin – Brian Mattas and I shot one in second grade with our BB guns. We actually felt so guilty that we floated it out onto the pond—viking style— on a board covered with flaming newspaper. At the age of eight, I had a gun and access to matches.
- two cats – One with the car, felt awful. The other was the neighbors. They were on vacation, unknown to me, and I poked my head in their stupidly unlocked door to see if anyone wanted to “play”; I was six. Their cat squirmed out and made a bee-line for the nearest moving bumper. I had to tell them when they got home that their cat was dead.
- mouse – Just a month ago. I found it on the sticky paper and put it in a bucket of water to humanely dispose of it. It wriggled for a thirty seconds or so and then with one tiny bubble, it was gone. This actually shook me up for the better part of the day.
- many snakes – Including a copperhead that tried to eat a minnow on the end of my fishing line.
- many fish – I ate these.
- several bats – In college I lived in a house that was plagued with bats and for years I had to run to my elderly uncle for protection every time one swooped through. The damn things scared the shit out of me, until one day after a fight with my girlfriend, I dispatched one with a broomstick like it was my job. Nothing like a little relationship frustration to help you overcome your fears. Totally healthy.
- horseshoe crabs – While I was a assistant clam biologist in Hyannis, I slaughtered hundreds of horseshoe crabs because my boss told me that they ate baby clams. It wasn’t until the end of the summer that he told me that it is illegal to kill horseshoe crabs.
CONCLUSION: If you have read this far, god help you. I can’t really make any coherent conclusion from the above reminiscent homicidal babbling. Maybe I’ll buy a point and include these stories in an essay that actually has structure. I just felt like typing.
