I grew up in central Pennsylvania. James Carville once said of the state that it is Philly, Pittsburgh, and Alabama in the middle. Before his quip, many a student at PSU from Philly would make fun of me for being from “Pennsyl-tucky.” While my outdoor hobbies have narrowed in on fly-fishing and hiking mountains, because of where I’m from I’ve had quite a bit of exposure to hunting. This brings me to the Cabela’s catalog, a tome I receive every Christmas season.
While L. L. Bean left its sportsman roots for yuppy-ville, Cabela’s has embraced them. It’s an inch thick guide to everything tree-bark camo (the pattern not absconded by fashionistas, but worn by Larry the Cable Dick). I love gadgets and like other hobbies, hunting has an enormous assortment of paraphernalia allowing unlimited spending on the enthusiast this Christmas. And also like other hobbies, there exists items that you could never even imagine. Here is list of ten bizarre items I discovered while perusing the catalog last night:
1.) Commercial Food Dehydrator – Imaging living in a house that produces hundreds of pounds of jerky. That would be heaven for a saltaholic like myself. You’d also need the Jerky Blaster.
2.) Neoprene Blaze Orange Dog Vest – The pooch cuts a trim figure in this somewhat s&m garment. There’s four pages of dog supplies, all of which I like.
3.) Self-inflating Turkey Decoy – Who has time to blow air up a fake turkey’s ass?
4.) Dead Fowl Trainer Shark – You know, for kids.
5.) Gun Kit – I actually really want this. It’s like a model, except when you are done you have real Fenimore Cooper special. Sweet!
6.) Woman’s Silk Underwear – If I bought the fiancé lingerie from Cabela’s…well, let’s just say the couch would know me.
7.) Afican Safari for the PS2 – I’d love to gut a lion…virtually.
8.) Thompson Sub-machine Rubber Band Gun – The more I do this list the more items I find that I actually want, no, need!
9.) Shotgun Shell Bandolier – We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!
10.) Folding Real Camo Texas Hold’em Table – The only real hunting that occurs in an hunting camp is the rifling through the truck glove compartment looking for spare money to get back into the game. I actually think this table would be awesome to have in my new place.
Maybe this will help with your Christmas shopping. My parents sent me pics of a retail store in Hamburg, PA once and there is a new one coming to East Rutherford. I can hardly wait. We’l make a day of it.
Next week…The Container Store!