All good—and also the semi-good, narcissistic—things must come to an end. I am both dejected and relieved to announce that I am discontinuing daily updates to this site. My reasons for stopping are as various and subconscious as the impetuses that led me to purchase this domain over a year ago.
Started as a place to share vacation photos, the site evolved into an open letter. A note to friends and family, New Yorkers and out-of-towners, ex and potential girlfriends, the Sean of today and the Sean of tomorrow. A list of things I had no one to tell. While sipping coffee and typing out my musings every morning, I held my audience of about twenty folks in the fore of my thoughts. I’m grateful to everyone who read my ramblings and wrote back. To everyone who got the jokes, the tongue-in-cheek narcissism. To everyone to whom the site—one of the many obsessions I’ve had—became a form of conversation while trapped in our cubicle walls.
Whatever compelled me to display photos combined with stream of consciousness, to document the minutia of my evenings and retell such trivia the next day, to write inside jokes that only sometimes I got, to take so many g**d*** pictures-it’s gone. Or at least gone for now. When your job, apartment, wardrobe, and haircut stay the same, it’s hard to notice the subtle differences that alter your countenance. The site may give some insight, and so its ending is ironic. The only thing that could explain why I’m ending the website is if I continued the website. It has always been therapeutic.
As I inch closer to thirty, I’ve grown as accustomed in my pale skin as I’ll ever be. I think maybe I just want to savor bar conversations without pressuring myself to jot down the details. Maybe I’ve surpassed the need to validate my life by splashing it across the web. Maybe I just want some privacy. Most likely I am being melodramatic right now and all I need is a break.
In the next few months I intend to still include pages dedicated to special events and trips. My photos are now online and my apartment is too small to revert to physical albums. I also have a new soundtrack ready to roll. As for the few samples of writing I publish here, they will hopefully be put to better use. I need to find the backbone and diligence to edit and submit them for publication. They are sub-par, but so are many magazines in the world. I can at least try to give this stuff away. Also, I hope to write more. Spending time on the site has often given me a false sense of accomplishment that may have allowed me to neglect my other goals. Perhaps I can use coffee time for rewrites and emailing submissions.
For a final note I’d like to hedge my bets and offer a qualification. I may wake up next week jonesing to write captions about my nose hair and start it up all over again. All my writing is done by compulsion, so I would welcome the urge. Maybe I’ll start something completely new. Being made for Sean by Sean, I can assume my readers will forgive me. Try to be diligent, future Sean.
Good bye, Columbus.